Whew. Â I am not so down today. Â The world doesn’t have that ugly pallor that was gracing my vision for the last week or so. Â Good call on the meds. Â Now I can get to the real issue. Â Posed as a Sophocles type question – “What is the point if you aren’t with a partner and you don’t have children?” Â What are you building to, what do you want to leave as part of your legacy and your life? Â Do you just live and high-five out the door? Â I feel like there must be something bigger. Â I’m not feeling particularly spiritual lately, I don’t have a big burning passion and yet, I feel a hole. Â What is to fill it and what is driving me this way?
How’s that for deep thoughts of the day? Â People with partners are building a future together. Â They are doing things, saving/or not, traveling and building towards a future they share. Â With kids, you are just trying to keep those buggers alive and thriving until they can do it for themselves. Â It’s a full-time job and one where parents gladly do it. Â With those two missing parts of life – I have to find “the thing” or “things” that will give meaning to my life now. Â You only get one shot at this life and I don’t want to be the one that just skates by with no passion or driving force. Â Until now, It’s been my business. Â But I find that can’t be my fulfillment. Â It just is something I’m doing and that’s great but I used to live, eat, breath the business and it almost killed me when I had to shut it down. Â Now I find it’s better to view it as a part of the whole rather than the whole. Â I have friends who have immersed themselves in the care of pets, I have others that travel and that’s their thing.
I guess there is no real answer. Â There never is and worse it changes. Â I guess right now, I’m just searching and hoping to find thatÂ zing.