Meds seem to be kicking in

Whew.  I am not so down today.  The world doesn’t have that ugly pallor that was gracing my vision for the last week or so.  Good call on the meds.  Now I can get to the real issue.  Posed as a Sophocles type question – “What is the point if you aren’t with a partner and you don’t have children?”  What are you building to, what do you want to leave as part of your legacy and your life?  Do you just live and high-five out the door?  I feel like there must be something bigger.  I’m not feeling particularly spiritual lately, I don’t have a big burning passion and yet, I feel a hole.  What is to fill it and what is driving me this way?

How’s that for deep thoughts of the day?  People with partners are building a future together.  They are doing things, saving/or not, traveling and building towards a future they share.  With kids, you are just trying to keep those buggers alive and thriving until they can do it for themselves.  It’s a full-time job and one where parents gladly do it.  With those two missing parts of life – I have to find “the thing” or “things” that will give meaning to my life now.  You only get one shot at this life and I don’t want to be the one that just skates by with no passion or driving force.  Until now, It’s been my business.  But I find that can’t be my fulfillment.  It just is something I’m doing and that’s great but I used to live, eat, breath the business and it almost killed me when I had to shut it down.  Now I find it’s better to view it as a part of the whole rather than the whole.  I have friends who have immersed themselves in the care of pets, I have others that travel and that’s their thing.

I guess there is no real answer.  There never is and worse it changes.  I guess right now, I’m just searching and hoping to find that zing.