Shockface. It’s Holidaillies

Hauself of course wants to do Holidaillies and I am nothing in not a slave to her desires. Hahahaha.

I haven’t written here in ages. About a year it looks like. Mainly because this year has been a whirlwind. I will bring you up to speed.

1. January-August – The business grew at an unprecedented rate. Good news. But it brings such a wide variety of new stressors. People and situations and growth and life can get complicated.

2. September – I had to put Marble to sleep. She was getting worse and worse and I held on a little long. Monique came in town and Brooke, Ru and I went to the vet. It was as horrible as it sounds. She went in peace but for all her craziness I had her for 15 years and she lived a good life. A crazy life but a good life.

3. September – Lisa died. Unexpectedly. I fell apart for weeks on end. I still cry at night. I miss her. Losing a friend your own age is a shitty to the extreme. Losing one of your best friends and feeling that grief is totally life altering. I don’t have much to say other than it changed me to the core. I don’t have time anymore. I’m not waiting for shit anymore. I have changed things already. I bought a new car. My first adult car. I am taking care of myself differently. I want to be who I am supposed to be.

The thing I have noticed more than anything is the older I get the more strings are left undone. Nothing is tidy. There is no clean answer. Very rarely do I go to sleep and think, that this day was “complete”. It’s messy and sometimes ugly. It’s never easy.

4. October-November – Joyce got very sick and passed away at the end of the month. I miss her very much. It was so hard to watch and already being so vulnerable it just was hard. I was more a support character and I am proud of my relationship with Joyce. I stood by her for four years post divorce and I loved her. I helped her and I was active in her life. I value that.

On the side part – watching my ex LITERALLY become homeless is like watching a boat ram an iceberg at excruciating slow motion pace. He had four years before I divorced him to get his shit together and four years after and didn’t do anything. No job, no id, no car, no money and now it’s all falling around him and watching it is HORRIBLE.

5. November – On the bright side. I started seeing a lovely man. R. is hardworking. He is sexy and smart. Positive and he is supportive of me. We are early early early days but this is the first “real” attempt at a relationship in years. I don’t trust myself and my decisions much anymore. I am moving slowly and it’s going well so far.

THat’s my update so far.