Not much. Reading.
The anger has subsided and with it the desire to be productive.
Work I have it. Duties I have them. Responsibilities they are there.
My ability to care about them. Very little.
Oh I hear the shoulds. I hear the needs. I just am paralyzed at this moment.
Why should I struggle to do the things that keep up the appearance that my life is ok. It’s not ok.
It fell the fuck apart. Not for nothing, I ripped the seams out my self. They needed to be ripped. Things had to change but when the stuffing of your life is out all over the floor, it’s hard to look at it and want it to be neat and tidy again.
I am acknowledging this is a hard place right now. It’s an ugly place. It’s where my therapist warned me would be there when the anger started to subside. The tide of it washing out and bringing with it the feelings. Unaligned, ugly, powerful and right now it’s hard for me to do anything other than sit in them. Which is inconvenient but apparently where I am.
One thought on “Things I care about right now…”
The icky sticky goo of it all. I hate that spot but remember this to shall pass. And a visit to the meds Dr doesn’t hurt either right now.
Breath deep and know it will be all okay in time. Just give it the time.
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