I feel absolutely freed by the last post. Just wide open better all the way around. Every time my brain kicks in about we “should” be doing this and down on myself – I can short circuit the thought and say – well you aren’t there, you are here and this is where you are supposed to be.
It’s been literally like ninety bricks are off my shoulders.
I even started working on my bills and got I think a way to slowly get out of this place.
And then as if on cue, Ru showed up and with some encouragement we went out and raked and bagged the front half of the house. 7 bags and a blister and the message of maintenance came back into my view.
That has been a message I have heard several times but never sunk too far in. I usually don’t like to do a little and then a little. I apparently wait until it’s over my head and then dig in with a passion unbridled until I’m overwhelmed. Bad pattern, down pattern. Bad!
I don’t think I need anything lovey dovey today. I just want to keep moving forward. I worked hard on the house this weekend. Mopped it, swept, laundry, dishes, cleaning that is all geared toward a freshness. I believe that will come with repeated cleanings. It didn’t happen in two weeks, it can’t be fixed in two weeks. Also the dogs need a bath.
In other news I changed one of my twitter accounts to be more just personal things versus the business stream. If you want personal attention follow @itstinahudson and it will not be “Interactive Girl” 24/7.
If I could, I would blog more of an update. I’m catching up on quite a bit of “have-to” stuff which is a direct result of me spending quite a bit of time doing “want to” things. I read back to back all the Stieg Larrson books. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, The Girl who Played with Fire and the Girl who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest. I know there is some criticism of them (vaguely in my head I remember hearing about it) but I enjoyed them for the escape, the strong complicated female lead, the look into Sweden and it’s culture and the honest approach to violence against women. The Lisbeth actress looks awesome for the Swedish version of the movie and i hope the American one doesn’t bugger it up too bad.
In other rough waters update, I do believe we have had some breakthroughs that are helping me. Us really. Nothing that can be discussed publicly but our therapy continues and I feel it’s been helpful. Although the therapist did recommend I come separately next week. She was, I believe concerned about the amount of pressure I’m putting on myself and the feeling that I’m sinking I conveyed a few times. Her perception is that despite some rather obvious bumps especially in the tail end of the year, that my brain is adding some aspects to this issue we need to untangle.