It’s been one of those Mondays when some things went really well (Schrodinger’s Mailbox) and it’s still not enough. Just when I think we are making traction other bills come in and snatch it. Sometimes it is an uphill battle and some days it’s awesome running our own company.
Moni and Wick moved to Smithville and we have spent the last few weekends off and on over the last few months helping getting their home together. We helped build a deck or two, moved their things into storage and home. And whatever else they needed. This weekend we actually got to do our normal fun things we went into Bastrop for the Wine swirl and then did the Wine and Paint. We had so much fun! We even went exploring around today. I feel better knowing Moni is back in town (or close enough to it).
Heading to Smithville today to see Wick and Moni for the weekend. To that end, I got up at 8 and have been nailing email ever since then. Taking care of bidness and making sure everything that needs to be done is done.
PUTTING. CLOTHES. AWAY.
I will wash 1000000 loads of laundry and dry them but putting them away is like the biggest beat down. I want house elves to come and put those mothers away. Dishes? I’m all over that even though the counters are too low and it hurts my back. Tidying I’m all about it. UGH. Folding all that shit and stuffing it in. You always can’t find a sock or you realize all the clothes need to be switched from spring to fall – all at once. Ok. Whine over.
Sometimes when you put it out there, the universe says here you go. Yesterday was all about my angst and “what does it all mean?” Last night I started reading/listening to a new book called The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck. AND IT’S WONDERFUL.
It really is speaking to the what does it all mean and what do I want to do. Just the process of letting go of the should and just doing.
I could give you quote after quote, like I have been doing on Facebook but I’ll spare you that and just say, read some of them here.
Whew. I am not so down today. The world doesn’t have that ugly pallor that was gracing my vision for the last week or so. Good call on the meds. Now I can get to the real issue. Posed as a Sophocles type question – “What is the point if you aren’t with a partner and you don’t have children?” What are you building to, what do you want to leave as part of your legacy and your life? Do you just live and high-five out the door? I feel like there must be something bigger. I’m not feeling particularly spiritual lately, I don’t have a big burning passion and yet, I feel a hole. What is to fill it and what is driving me this way?
How’s that for deep thoughts of the day? People with partners are building a future together. They are doing things, saving/or not, traveling and building towards a future they share. With kids, you are just trying to keep those buggers alive and thriving until they can do it for themselves. It’s a full-time job and one where parents gladly do it. With those two missing parts of life – I have to find “the thing” or “things” that will give meaning to my life now. You only get one shot at this life and I don’t want to be the one that just skates by with no passion or driving force. Until now, It’s been my business. But I find that can’t be my fulfillment. It just is something I’m doing and that’s great but I used to live, eat, breath the business and it almost killed me when I had to shut it down. Now I find it’s better to view it as a part of the whole rather than the whole. I have friends who have immersed themselves in the care of pets, I have others that travel and that’s their thing.
I guess there is no real answer. There never is and worse it changes. I guess right now, I’m just searching and hoping to find that zing.
Will it hold the help we need right now OR will it be a sad disappointment. The last few times, it’s been a big tease with little results. Today who knows!
UPDATED: The cat was not dead. Very helpful.